It's been a while since I wrote on this thing. I can't believe its been a year and some change since I've moved out here to NYC. And now, its coming to an end in 2 months. Though I've had some struggles out here, I think it was what I had to do to get a sense of who I was again. So I'm looking forward to moving into a new chapter of my life in December. I'll be in a familar city I knew only through the eyes of a child. I'm armed with a new degree, a New York attitude, a different perspective in life, and a new outlook for the future. So here we go and let's see what will happen next. Stay tuned.

[The Self-Fullfilling Prophetess]

The other day, I conversed with a friend about life and love. What's new, right? We reflected on where we were in our respective lives and is it really where we want it to be? And I asked myself whether I was really happy. Or am I trying really hard to convince myself that I am but I don't question what might be missing? I'm normally very easily satisfied. Something as little as somebody's presence makes a world of difference for me. I usually try to count my blessings in things that aren't conventionally seen as blessings but curses. So I told my friend that's just how I approach my life.  And she called me the epitome of the self-fullfilling prophecy concept. I set up my own curses, live it out, and then mourn for something when it doesn't go right. In other words, I've got total control of how my life turns out and all its predicaments.

On the contrary, we all make decisions but how much are we in control of them? Are we as much in control as we think? As much as I try over and over not to make the decisions to come to the same end, different approaches lead to the same ending point. So how much really are we in control of our destinies? or lives? Especially in my profession, you see things that you don't have the answers for or you just know that we don't have control over a lot.

I can't say our conversation didn't frustrate me and I just wanted to shut this person out, which is what I do but can't help it (Can't teach an old dog new tricks).  I don't know if I have the will to bridge the rift this conversation created. We're in very different situations and I didn't realize how much our perspectives have changed from the common ground we both thought we had. It's funny that we sometimes find the most comfort in strangers but not among the faces we cross daily. We live in parallel with these faces but never really intersecting in each other's lives...

[On the superficial & Updates]

I'll be back in San Francisco from 5/13-20th. Then I'll probably be gone until I pass my boards. Maybe Christmas? Also I got my externship at the NYU Med Center. I'm really stoked about it. My goal: Not kill any patients. I'm also moving out to Brooklyn this Tuesday (couldn't stand Manhattan anymore). Ask me for my new address. Things to look forward to: Brazillian BBQ with the couples and White Water Rafting.

UCLA FINAL FOUR BABY! GO BRUINS!

I LOVE YOU MY ALMA MATER!

UCLA vs. Kansas (68-55)

U-C-L-A! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Just Because I'm a Nursing Student

Sorry viewers who still may or may not read this, but my first blog back is about how I have tummy bug and I threw up for 2.5 hours straight from 2am-4:30am and still woke up to be in the OR. I don't think my sickness really allowed me to appreciate where I was this morning but it was NEAT-O. It was my ambulatory surgery rotation and I refused to miss out in it even through BBQ was coming up every 2 minutes. Flattering, I know. But I had to tough it out, my only day in the ambulatory and the fact I pay about 5000 bucks for an experience like this. I was no way gonna miss out.

So running on two hours of sleep, Pepto, a black tongue from Pepto (I'm disgusting but b/c I'm a nursing student-I've seen some of the worst things your human body can do to you. So a black fungal looking tongue from Pepto Bismal is not so bad), and nausea, I ended up in a plastics surgery where they took bone from this patients hip to reconstruct their cleft palate. As the surgeon held his power drill (literally a drill) and collecting bone slush (looks a bit like strawberry slushy), I was surpised to see what surgery was like. It resembled a lot like a carpenter worker's work bench, where the patient was an artifact being drilled and grilled. And no, it's not anything like Grey's Anatomy. The med student did a lot of retracting and suctioning. Perhaps it was b/c it was a plastics surgery, but I didn't see any med student helping with a whipple stitch yet. The resident's role was much more aligned with that of what the interns on Grey's do but I suppose those people on Grey's have special priviledges due to their "rapport with their attendings". Any way, after wards I got to observe in a luposuction procedure and it looked like men carving meat. Personally, I can't imagine anybody going through a procedure like this because the way its performed with power suction may cause more weaked muscle tone than anything else. After that, I saw someone with an anterior/posterior vaginal laceration have it repaired. It was pretty cool. 

Afterwards, I had post-conference and man it was a very humbling experience. I finally got my eval form from my instructor and I realized how much I really need to step up my game in making this nursing school experience a more interactive one. Ditching my classes so that I can read a text book instead, just giving out meds and doing assessments every here and there isn't enough to prepare myself. I'm suppose to be out there a year from now on the field and I'm being passive in nursing school. This is all I ever really wanted and I feel like I'm not doing enough. There are always ways to better myself. So here's to stepping it up and keep on top of everything.

In the meantime: What has happened since December. Girls came out to NYC and I had an amazing time. Ask me for pics if you're interested, went home for Winter Break and had the most unproductive 3 weeks ever, went wine tasting, UCLA football game in San Francisco, and decided I was returning to Calif to do the master's component but staying out here until next March to finish the NCLEX b/c I have a job out here (working as a part time med assistant at a Peds Clinic). So come visit me in NYC this summer before I go away, surviving Febraury frenzy (1 big exam each week + 1 quiz + 2 papers due + weekly projects and care plans).

What I'll Be Up To: In Calif from 3/11-3/19 and hanging out with lonely tunes at Bellvue on Saturdays for my Psych Rotation. Good times ahead.... Drop me a line if you get a chance. I haven't seen or talked to some of you guys in ages.